Letting Go 手放して

Only two weeks to go! Time has gone by so quickly these past couple months! This time has been an odd in-between season of preparation different from what my normal rhythm of life has been in the past two years.

あとは二週間だけ!この前の数月はとても速く立ちましたねえ!この時期は前の二年間の普通生活と違う変な二つの国の間の準備時期です。

Lately, I have been listening to Steffany Gretzinger, and her song “Letting Go” has really resonated with me during this season, as I find that I am having to let go of lots of things. I’ve been selling possessions and downsizing my wardrobe. Giving up my room. My car. I find, though, that it’s the intangible things that are harder to give up. Things like friendships, time with family, American dreams (not to be confused with the American Dream, I never had much of an attachment to that). And then there’s those things that you never cared much about, sometimes even forgot you had, but somehow, you still don’t want to give up. All kinds of letting go.

最近、ステファニー・グレヅィンガーという歌手を聞いていて、この時期の中で、放さなきゃいけない物事がたくさんあるので、その歌手の歌、「放して」と親近感があります。持ち物を売ったり服を捨てたりしています。部屋を放すこと。車も。けれども、発見したのは、無形のもののほうが、放しにくいです。例えば、友情、家族と一緒の時間、アメリカに関する夢(アメリカンドリームと間違わないでください。決してそんなにそのこととつながりはなかったよ)。それから、そんなほとんど気にしない、それより時々持っているか忘れてしまったほど気にしないのに、なぜか、放したくない物があります。いろいろな放すこと。

Both Jesus and Buddha have taught about the importance of letting go. They may have used different words, whether if it is detaching yourself from this life, or laying down your life, or not being engrossed in the things of this world. However you want to phrase it, there seems to be something transcendent about letting go. A butterfly must let go of the cocoon before it can fly. Usually, when we let go of something, we find that we are somehow freer than we were before, as though the something were holding onto us, too. One must let go of one thing before one can grab hold of a new thing. I suppose what we choose to hold on to can be important as well.

イエスキリストも仏も放すことの大切さについて教えました。違う言葉を使ったわけかもしれない、(この文書の翻訳には、間違いはあるはずですが)たとえば、この人生からつながりを切るかことか、自分の命を捨てることかこの世界のものに取りつかれないことなど。どんなように言っても、放すことはなんか超越的の特色があるようです。飛ぶ前に、蝶がコクーンを放さなきゃいけません。たいてい、何かを放したら、なぜか、前よりもっと自由です。その何かもなんかその持ち主を持っていたようです。新しいものをつかむために、まず前の物を放さなければなりません。もしかして、何を持つと決心することも大切でしょうかね。

Having said all of that, though letting go is transcendent, it is rarely easy.

と全部それを言っても、放すことが超越なのに、ほとんど簡単ではないですよね。

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I’ve Been Placed! 場所が決まりました!

I woke up one fine spring morning and found a JET email in my inbox. As I get closer and closer to my departure date, August 1st, I’ve started periodically receiving emails from JET about various things. Reminders about paperwork deadlines, pdfs about tips and to do lists before, during and after JET, handbooks, etc. Though this latest one was the one me and all the other JETs were waiting for. I received my placement! The place I am going to is *drum roll* (You must do a drum roll as you read this!)

あるすばらしい朝に起きて受信箱にJETからのメールを見つけました。出発の日の八月一日に近づきながら、時々いろいろなことについてJETからメールをもらいます。用紙の締め切りのリマインダーとか、JETの前、間、あとに関するヒントとタスクリストのPDFなど。でも、最近のメールはJETの皆さんが待っていたメールです。場所が決まりました!行くことになった場所は*ドラムロール*(これを読みながら、ドラムロールしなければなりませんよ!)

Are you drum rolling?

ドラムロールしていますか?

mie-ken

Suzuka City, Mie Prefecture! I actually didn’t put much of a preference in my application for where I wanted to be placed, but I am right where I want to be! It’s far away enough from Tokyo that it will be outside of Tokyo’s cultural influence, so I can see another side of Japanese culture (I love you Tokyo!) But at the same time, it’s close enough to Tokyo that I can go to visit my friends there (3 hours by train). So I’m pretty excited about this placement!

三重県鈴鹿市!実際に、応募に行きたい選好はあまり書かなかったけど、ちょうど行きたい場所ですよ!ほかの日本文化を経験することが出来るように、東京の文化影響範囲のそとほど東京から離れているけれども(大好きですよ、東京!)、同時に、東京の友達に尋ねることが出来るほど東京に近いです(新幹線で3時間ぐらい)。それで、この場所はけっこう楽しみにしています!

suzuka mie

I’ve done a little research on Suzuka, Mie, and found out a few things. It’s a small city (town?) of 200,000 people. Compared to Tokyo, which has nearly 30 million, it will definitely be a big change from my last time in Japan. There are a few rail stations, so between that and a bicycle, getting around should be easy enough.

三重県鈴鹿市についてちょっと研究していくつか面白いことを発見しました。小さい市(町?)で人口が20万人です。前に行ったときの人口が3千万人の東京と比較して、絶対に違うはずでしょう。そして、電車はあるようなので、電車と自転車だけで済ませるはずです。

img_main74_12

Regarding attractions, it seems Suzuka’s big claim to fame is the Suzuka Circuit, a race track that hosts the Japanese Grand Prix! There’s also an amusement park attached to it. I’m guessing I’ll get more than one opportunity to visit it during my time there. Another attraction in a nearby town I want to see is the Ise Grand Shrine. It is one of the oldest and most significant Shinto shrines in Japan, and supposedly has a few connections, or at least things in common with Jewish temples! Really looking forward to seeing in person how that works!

魅力といえば、鈴鹿市の一番有名なのは日本グランプリを行う鈴鹿サーキットです!遊園地も付いているようです。人気がある場所で、みなさんがよく行くかなあと思っています。ほかの近い市にある見たい魅力の一つは、伊勢神宮です。神道の中で古くて大切で、そして、ユダヤ教とつながりがあるそう、または、ユダヤ教の寺と共通することがあります!とても面白そうで本人にそんなことを見るのは楽しみにしています!

And Suzuka has a beach! Mie being a prefecture along Japan’s coast, and Suzuka being one of the cities on that coast, the beach will be pretty close by. My memories of beaches are going to Myrtle Beach with my family every year. It was fun, and it was our vacation spot growing up. From time to time I would wonder what it would be like to live by the beach. And having blonde hair, people have sometimes mistaken me as a California beach boy : P And I’ve never experienced a Japanese beach before–actually, I take that back. Once, I walked to the edge of Chiba with a few friends, though we didn’t stay there long. I’ve also seen surreal snowy coast of Hokkaido in winter. But I’ve never really gone to the beach to actually ‘go to the beach’ in Japan. This will be a first for that.

そして、鈴鹿は岸があります!日本の海岸にある三重県の中でその海岸の市の一つとして、岸はけっこう近いはずです。私の岸の思い出は毎年家族と一緒に休み旅にマートルビーチに行くことです。楽しくて、成育に私達の休み旅の所でした。時々、岸に近く住むことはどんな感じか考えます。それから、金髪な髪の毛があるので、カリフォルニアビーチボイと考え違われたことがあります:P それうえ、日本の岸を経験したことはありません――実際に、たぶんすこしあります。一回、友達と一緒に千葉の端までに歩いたけど、長く残りませんでした。そして、冬に北海道の雪岸を見たことがあります。でも、本当に岸で遊ぶために岸に行ったことはまだです。これは初めてになるでしょう。

I’m sure there’s so much more than this waiting for me in Suzuka, Mie. Teachers, students, friends, food, new experiences, a home–more than I can wrap my head and heart around right now. Right now, the clock is ticking. Between deadlines and paperwork, work, family and friends and goodbyes, and selling stuff! Boy have I got some stuff to sell! A bicycle, a box of books, a Warcraft 3 poster, and an old Gameboy. All this and more, in 2 months. 60 days can be a long time depending on what one is talking about, but in my case, it feels like a single tall candle burning closer and closer to the bottom, each day an hour. It’s weird too, because I’ve been wanting to go to Japan so much that I could leave tomorrow. But at the same time, I really want to be fully ready when it is time to go. I’m not fully ready yet.

すべてこれよりも、三重県鈴鹿市にいろいろなものごとが私を待っていると分かっています。先生や学生や友達、たべもの、新しい経験、うち――私の頭も心も今分かることが出来るよりももっとあるでしょう。今、時計はがちんがちんとしています。締め切りと用紙、仕事と家族と友達と「さようなら」と、売り物!わあ、どうも売り物がありますねえ!自転車や本でいっぱいの箱やビデオゲームポスターや、古いゲームボイなど。すべてこれ、2ヶ月間に。60日間は場合によって長い間かもしれないけれど、私の場合には、高いろうそくの一本がだんだんそこまで燃えている感じです。一日は一時間です。変ですよ。なぜなら、明日出かけることが出来るほどとても日本に行きたいです。でも、同時に、出発のときに準備が絶対によくてほしいです。今、準備はまだそんなによくないんです。

 

The pictures from the post are not my own; they were taken from the following three websites, respectively:

http://www.mie.portalmie.com/en/exploring-mie/knowing-the-mie-prefecture/index.html

http://www.iatssforum.jp/english/program/facility.html

http://www.suzukacircuit.jp/

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Precious Time 貴重な時間

The results are in! I’m in!!! And boy, are there lots of forms to fill out!

結果が出た!私が入った!!!そして、わあ、記入しなきゃいけない用紙がいっぱいある!

Honestly, having been through application processes for going to Japan like this before, I didn’t expect to be that exhilarated by the news. And yet, when I stop to think about it, it seems so huge. To be accepted into the program, given an open door to another nation, a ticket to the other side of the world—that’s not an everyday thing. It’s a sign of yet another new chapter, the end of one season and the beginning of another.

正直、このような日本に行くための応募過程したことがあるので、このニュースでとても興奮する期待はなかった。といっても、止まって考えたら、どうも大事なようだ。プログラムに受け入れられること、ほかの国への開いているドアをもらうこと、世界の向こう側への切符-並の物じゃない。新しい章の始めの記号だ。一つの時期の最後でもう一つの時期の最初だ。

I’m also finding that actually getting the official acceptance somehow affects the way people look at me. When I first meet people and tell them that I love Japan, they often don’t understand just how deeply I mean that. They usually hear, “Japan is my hobby,” not “Japan is my obsession,” and so they assume that I’ll be around for a while. They’ll assume that I will stay in the job that I’m in now, or in the community or overall life position that I’m in now, not that there’s anything wrong with any of those things. But I’m serious about my love for Japan. And somehow, being accepted into this program seems to make that more real, more believable. I suppose that sometimes words can only go so far in communication.

そして、実際に、この正式な受け入れをもらうことがなんか人々の私の見方を影響するということを発見している。最初に人々に会って「にほんが大好きだ」と話したら、かれらはたいていそんな言葉の深さが分からない。たいてい彼らの耳で、「日本が趣味だ」と聞いて、「日本が固着観念だ(obsession)」と聞かないので、私が長い間ここにとどまるつもりだと思われるようだ。このままこの仕事にとどまったり、またはこのコミュニティーとかこの人生の立場にとどまると思われる。もちろん、このものには悪いことが全然ない。でも、日本のための愛が真剣だよ。そして、なんか、このプログラムに受け入れられることがそれをもっと真にして、もっと信じやすくするようだ。もしかして、コミュニケーションには、時々、言葉は限界がありそうだ。

But the time I have left in this life position and is indeed precious time. I leave August 1st, which means that from today, the time I have left is 120 days. It seems long on the one hand, but on the other, it seems so short! 120 days to treasure being with family and friends, 120 days to prepare for the journey, 120 days to be fully present in, but not paralyzed by, the here and now. It’s hard to look both forward and backward at the same time, but sometimes that’s what it feels like. I find that’s where I am now. And I want to do now well.

しかし、この人生の立場に残っている時間がどうも貴重な時間だ。8月1日に出かけるので、今日から、残っている時間が120日だ。一方で、長いけど、一方で、ミジカイ!家族と友達と一緒にいるのを大切にする120日、旅路に準備する120日、ここと今に立ち竦まないで、むしろ、立ち会う120日。同時に前と後ろを見るのは難しいけど、時々そんな感じだ。今、私はそこにいると発見している。そして、今をよく出来たい。

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Level Up! レベル アップ!

Last December I took the Japanese Language Proficiency Test. In 2013 I tried level 2, the second hardest of the 5 levels, and didn’t pass, so this time I tried level 3. And after three months’ waiting, I finally got my results back.

前の十二月、日本語能力検定を受けた。2013年に二級、五級の中で、二番難しいレベル、やって落ちたので、今回は三級をやってみた。それから、三ヶ月の待ち時間の末に、結果をもらった。

And I passed! I expected to pass, but it felt good to have something official to validate my language skill. The Japanese are really good at that. Making things feel official. I remember when I first applied to study abroad in Japan, when they sent the acceptance packet, it was full of multiple forms and official documents sealed in a fancy envelope. When I received my brown belt in Aikido, it came with a very official document on special paper with special Japanese signatures and seals on it. I would expect no less from the official Japanese Language Proficiency Test!

パスした!パスするはずだったけど、言語能力に正式な証明をもらうことがいい感じです。日本人はそんなことが上手です。ものごとに正式な感じをくれること。最初に日本留学に応募したことを思い出して、承諾書が送られたときに、たくさんの用紙といろいろな正式な書類が入っているきれいな封筒だった。そして、合気道の茶色帯をもらったときに、特別な用紙で日本語の署名と封印が書いてあるとても正式な書類をもらった。それで、さすが日本の正式な日本語能力検定です!

And yet I feel like I have so much more to learn about the Japanese language. A fellow foreigner once told me that passing Level 1 of the JLPT is really just the beginning. I’ve always thought that learning a language is like eating a whole whale, or some other gigantic beast. It’s just such a huge task, you can’t expect to do it all in one sitting, or one month, or one year. It’s a journey. And if I’m really still at the beginning of it, then it must be a long one!

ただ、日本語に関して、習わなければならないことがいっぱいある気がしている。ある外人は私に「日本語能力検定一級を受かることが実際に初めだけだよ」と言った。言語の一つを習うことは鯨とかほかの巨大な野獣の一頭を食べることだといつも思った。一回、一ヶ月間、一年間で出来る期待が出来ないほどそんなに巨大な一仕事だ。遠路だ。そして、私は本当にまだ初めにいるなら、どうも長い遠路だねえ!

In the meantime, I’m still waiting to hear back about my application to JET. No doubt countless friends and family have asked on multiple occasions if I have heard back from JET yet. Early April. It doesn’t seem that far away now. Anyway, until then, I wait with hope, and hope doesn’t disappoint.

すでにして、JETの応募について聞くことはまだ待っている。間違いないで、多くの家族と友達が返事をもらったか何回も私に聞いた。四月の初めだ。今そんなに遠くない。とにかく、希望を持って待ってで、希望は失望に終わることがない。

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Japan or Bust なんとしても

Walking through the streets of DC in a suit, that relatively warm February day felt both special and ordinary. I’m going to the Japanese Embassy! But I’ve worn a suit in Japan before, many times. Don’t get me wrong, though—it was a big day. I’ve never had an interview at the embassy before.

スーツを着ながらDCの道に歩いて、その二月としては暖かい日は特別の感じも並みの感じもあった。日本の大使館に行っている!でも、日本でスーツを着ることが何回もあった。けれど、間違いないでね-大事な日だった。はじめての大使館での面接だった。

After trekking through the metro system and the DC streets and crowds, I arrived at the embassy. However, unlike previous times, where I went into the cultural center open to the public, this time they let me into the restricted access old residence building next to the cultural center. It was gated off. There were security officials in black suits. There were ornate carpets and old paintings on old walls. It felt like a mini Whitehouse. Or is this just the way buildings are in DC?

メトロシステムとその群れを通ったあとで、大使館に着いた。しかし、公開されている文化センターに入る前回と違って、今回は、隣の立ち入り禁止の古い建物に入らせられてもらった。ゲートはあった。黒いスーツを着ている守衛もいた。美文調のじゅうたんも古い壁に掛かっている古い絵画もあった。ちびホワイトハウスの感じだった。それとも、たんにDCには全部のビルがこのようなわけだろうか?

Anyway, I was taken to a room with a bunch of other people in their suits and 20s, and talked with a few alumni of the JET Program we were applying for. For those who don’t know, the JET (Japanese Exchange & Teaching) Program is an initiative sponsored by the Japanese government to hire foreigners as English teachers in the Japanese public school system. Those hired are paid a full salary and benefits to teach English and act as a cultural ambassador for Japan and their own country for up to five years.

いずれにしろ、スーツを着ている二十代がいっぱいいる部屋に行かせられて、そこで応募しているJETプログラムの同窓生の数人に話しかけた。知らない人のお知らせですが、JETプログラム(Japanese Exchange & Teaching, 日本交換と英語教育)は日本の政府が外国人を英語の先生として、日本の教育制度のために雇うプログラムです。雇われてもらう人は1年間から5年間まで給料などもらって英語を教えて自分の国と日本の文化大使のようなことをします。

After talking to them for a bit and calming my nerves, I asked my fellow applicants, “When is your interview. “11:15,” said one. “11:15” said another. Then another. Mine is at 11:15. What time is it? I was about to get out my phone to check the time, when I heard “Stephen Falke.” I guess it’s 11:15. I went with a JET staff volunteer and another applicant up a very regal staircase and into a room where I had my interview. We are supposed to keep the contents of the interview confidential, so I won’t go into detail, but I think I did pretty well. I think the only thing that would keep me from getting into the program is if I loved Japan too much, as ironic and silly as that sounds. Yet I do. It’s probably way too old news by now for those of you who’ve followed my blog for a while, but I’ve always loved Japan and always wanted to go back since the day I left.

その応募者と同窓生にちょっと話して落ち着いたあとで、応募者に聞いた、「お面接は何時ですか?」1人は、「11時15分です」。もう1人は、「11時15分です」。それからもう1人。私の面接も11時15分だ。今何時だろう?携帯を出して調べるところで、「フォーク スティーブン」と聞いた。11時15分のはずだ。JETのスタッフボランティーアともう1人応募者と一緒にとても王立の階段を上って面接の部屋に入った。面接の内容は秘密情報としなければいけないので、詳しく話さないが、よく出来た気がします。アイロニックだけど、もしも悪点があれば、日本が好きすぎるようなことだと思う。でも、そうだよ。長い間私のブログを読んでいる人には古いニュウスだろうけれど、いつも日本を愛していて、出た日から、ずっと帰りたい気持ちを持っている。

At the beginning of this year, I made a new year’s resolution: Get to Japan. That’s it. No fitness plans, no diet regimens, no new hobbies or habits. Just get to Japan. I especially felt the resolve in my heart that day as I left the embassy. It’s not a question of whether or not I’m going to Japan this year; it’s a question of whether or not it’s through JET. It’s time. I know. God knows. Japan or bust.

今年の初めに新年の抱負を作った:日本に行く。それだけだ。フィットネスのことなし、ダイエットのことなし、新しい趣味も習慣もなし。たんに日本に行く。大使館を出た日に特に心にこの覚悟を感じていた。今年日本に行くかどうかというものじゃなくてJETで行くかどうかというものだ。時間だ。私が知っている。神様がしっている。なんとしても。

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憧れと準備 Yearnings and Preparations

また書くのは、久しぶり。アメリカに帰ったときから、あまり書かなかったね。でもよ、日本への憧れが一方も下がらなかった。日本と離れた時間はもうすぐ二年になる。そして正直、いつも二年間長すぎる気がしている。私の分の一つはまだ「本当に日本を出るべきだったかなあ?」と悩んでいるけど、もっと日本を愛出来るようになるための習わなければならないことをアメリカで習ったと、どうも知っている。そして今、私が帰らなければ、胸から飛び出すほどこの憧れがとても強くなってきたよ!それで、日本よ:帰るよ。まだ予定はないけれど、準備している。日本の田舎のどこかで英語を教える「JET Programme」ということに応募している。それは、本当に会いたい東京の友達に訪問することが難しくなるけれども、その田舎の日本の経験で、もっと日本を分かってくるはずです。なんか遅くなっちゃった気がしているけど、帰るよ、日本。ただ、消えたりしないでね。私を待ってくださいね。

I haven’t written for a while. I haven’t written much since coming back. But I miss you no less, Japan. Soon I will have been away from Japan for two years, and honestly, it has always felt like two years too long. Part of me still wonders if I ever should have left Japan, but I know I’ve learned things being back in America that I needed to learn so that I would be able to love Japan better. And now, the yearnings have grown so strong that I’ll jump out of my chest if I don’t return soon! So, Japan: I’m coming back. I have no set plans yet, but I am preparing. I am applying for the JET program to teach English somewhere in rural Japan. That means it will be hard for me to visit my Tokyo friends, whom I miss dearly, but I feel that living in rural Japan will help me to understand Japan better. I feel like I’m late, but I’m coming back, Japan. Just don’t disappear or anything! Wait for me, okay?

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The DC Cherry Blossom Festival

It’s been too long since I’ve last written, and I figure that the Cherry Blossom Festival is a great time to start writing again! And I have a confession to make (besides writing this post a whole month later than I should have : P ). As crazy as it sounds, for someone who is as crazy about Japan as I am and lives only an hour from DC… I’ve never actually been to the Cherry Blossom Festival. I know -.- It sounds totally inexcusable! The best excuses I have for the past three years was I was either going to or coming back from Japan at this time, but before that I’ve got nothing but being overly preoccupied with my studies.

Anyway! I decided that this injustice in my life could continue no longer! So I found a few friends and trekked in to DC to finally see the Cherry Blossoms and experience the street festival!

They closed off a few streets in DC and set up tons of stalls, each of them promoting Japanese culture in some way–well, most of them. There were a couple stalls selling funnel cakes which seemed more reminiscent of a carnival : P But there were stalls selling all kinds of Japanese food, including donburi, teriyaki chicken, sushi, even okonomiyaki! (Okonomiyaki, for those of you who don’t know, is a Japanese dish that is like a pancake with meat and veggies mixed in and with a sauce on top.) I really wanted the okonomiyaki, but the line for it was like a snake stuffed into a box, so instead I enjoyed some eel. Love eel!

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Besides food, many stalls also sold anime merchandise. And there were quite a few cosplayers at the festival, too. Sightings include Tobi from Naruto, as well as Aang from Avatar! I saw Aang! And he had blue arrows! I also saw the Noh ghost from Spirited Away and a transformer. My friend pointed out that there were several people there dressed up as characters from the recently popular anime Attack on Titan, but I wasn’t able to get a picture of them.

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There were several stages where different performances were going on. They had everything from J-Pop to traditional Japanese music performances. My favorite was the Tamagawa Drum and Dance Troupe. The way they beat those drums made me wish I knew how to dance!

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There were a number of other stalls that showcased traditional Japanese culture and sold traditional Japanese clothing and trinkets. And, as I had learned from my year in Japan, traditional Japanese things in general seem to be expensive. Maybe I’m wrong, it has just seemed to me that whether if it is clothing, instruments, or buildings, traditional seems to cost more than whatever the modern or western equivalent is, even in Japan.

Finally, at the end of the day, before going home, we walked a few miles from the festival to the cherry blossoms. (Don’t ask me why they’re so far apart : P) And they were beautiful.

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After that, we went home on the trains, which felt as packed as Tokyo trains at rush hour. Now that I look back on it, everything about that day reminds me of Japan. The food, the cherry blossoms, the trains, the anime paraphernalia and cosplay. It was almost as if I was back in Japan. Almost.

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